Would you recommend internet dating sites for single Christians? Comments about good or bad experiences welcome.

Yes, the right sites.
25% (4 votes)
Yes, with reservation
25% (4 votes)
Rarely perhaps
13% (2 votes)
Never
31% (5 votes)
Other
6% (1 vote)
Total votes: 16
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There are 15 Comments

Ed Vasicek's picture

I have know heard of both good and bad experiences.  I know of two married couples who have been happily married for several years and met online.

"The Midrash Detective"

Chip Van Emmerik's picture

Ed,

Did they meet  through a service, or was it some personal contact?

Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?

Jim's picture

One a divorcee who met a man who had never been married

The other a young couple. He from the Twin Cities .... she from Wisconsin.

Both couples used EHarmony

I have conflicted views on the practice but really am indifferent. 

Ed Vasicek's picture

Chip Van Emmerik wrote:

Ed,

Did they meet  through a service, or was it some personal contact?

 

One was eharmony, two others met through chat rooms.

"The Midrash Detective"

Darren Mc's picture

I met my wife 5-1/2 years ago on Christian Mingle. I would never have met her any other way since we were about 9 hours apart. So my experience overall was great, and I met some other interesting ladies I would never have known otherwise. For people who are out of college and don't anticipate choosing anyone in their current church, it is a legitimate resource, if used wisely. That's why I chose "Yes, with reservation."

 

My advice is to keep a level head, prayerfully consider, and hash out a lot of details (what you believe, what your standards are, the way you live your life) before you actually meet for the first time. And, above all, be honest. The Lord can help you with long distances and different points of view on issues of life. But when one (or both) person is lying about who they are, that creates huge problems. This is of course true no matter how you meet, but it can be especially hurtful if you have invested time in traveling a considerable distance to meet someone.

No wisdom, no understanding, and no counsel will prevail against the LORD. Proverbs 21:30

Rev Karl's picture

As a kid, one of the distinctives of the churches we attended seemed to be the small (almost non-existent) number of divorced people. Now, it seems like so many Christian people who met "the traditional way" (church, high school, college) are getting divorced. It is heart breaking.

 

I know two couples who met on line. One couple from the same county who connected through a chat room, and my own nephew, who met his bride through a service. (I think. All he said was 'we met on the internet.') My nephew in SC married his wife from Central Florida. Both couples seem to be going strong.

 

I pray for long marriages for them both, until the Lord calls them home.

Ed Vasicek's picture

Darren and Rev Karl,

 

Thanks for the personal experience and observations.  A lot of times we Christians are against something new.  Then we tolerate it.  Then we embrace it and pretend we were never against it.  I have to break with the pattern or pretending.  I was against online dating at first because there is so much you cannot tell about a person without visiting them personally.  However, when you look at how many marriages fall apart in which couples courted more traditionally, it is hard to imagine that online dating could produce a worse statistic.

 

 

"The Midrash Detective"

Chip Van Emmerik's picture

Ed Vasicek wrote:
However, when you look at how many marriages fall apart in which couples courted more traditionally, it is hard to imagine that online dating could produce a worse statistic.
Ed,

Do you really think it has anything to do with the way people meet? If anything, it seems like the computer dating method would produce worse results. Do you have any statistics showing the  divorce rate among couple meeting online?

Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?

Ed Vasicek's picture

Chip Van Emmerik wrote:

Ed Vasicek wrote:
However, when you look at how many marriages fall apart in which couples courted more traditionally, it is hard to imagine that online dating could produce a worse statistic.
Ed,

Do you really think it has anything to do with the way people meet? If anything, it seems like the computer dating method would produce worse results. Do you have any statistics showing the  divorce rate among couple meeting online?

I have not statistics. I would imagine that such stats would be worthless since many divorces occur years after marriage and internet dating is quite new.

 

I am not sure that the way people meet affects outcome, but I think it does.  Many Christians meet their mates in a bar  (sadly). I think such a start is not the best.  You seem to think that it does matter, too: 

it seems like the computer dating method would produce worse results.

The point is that none of us have statistics.  It seems to me that the couples I know who met online seem to be doing quite well, perhaps better than most. How long this will last, I cannot say. But I wonder if initial screenings for compatibility might make a positive difference.  Maybe, maybe not.

"The Midrash Detective"

Jim's picture

I don't think it matters whether the initial "meet point" is via the Internet or not

That's not a researched opinion ... just an opinion.

In some cultures in the past and even the present the "meet point" was an arranged marriage

It's what happens next that is important. 

Anne Sokol's picture

i like the way eharmony matches up people with like values, religious beliefs, etc. i think that is a great way to meet.

 

i have one testimony that I know about: a friend's sister--Christian family--her husband was deployed to Iraq, they have one small son. He was killed there, and in his death wishes, he wanted his wife to buy a house and he also specifically said for her to do eharmony dating--he wanted his son to grow up with a dad--and he knew that dating with a child  is hard.

 

so anyway, the woman is happily remarried now with a few more kids.

i htink its's great for people who don't see much potential in their immediate area. like any kind of dating, it depends on the people involved and has it's pitfalls, i'm sure.

Chip Van Emmerik's picture

Ed Vasicek wrote:
It seems to me that the couples I know who met online seem to be doing quite well, perhaps better than most.

This is what I moving toward. The pool of examples from internet dating is still very, very small. I know, as  I'm sure you do also, many people who met conventionally and have strong, long-lasting marriages. In fact, I know exponentially more of these kinds of strong marriages than I do internet starting point marriages. So we could reverse your premise and argue in the opposite direction if we wanted. I don't think we can make any anecdotal judgments yet about internet dating,; we can only evaluate it's validity via principle.

Why is it that my voice always seems to be loudest when I am saying the dumbest things?

Rev Karl's picture

I recently read a story of a couple who met over dinner with mutual friends. (Don't remember the specifics, but the meal was some kind of celebration to which many people were invited.)

They met, and exchanged phone numbers before the night was over... and did not see each other again for three months. But during that three months, they spent a lot of time talking on the phone, getting to know each other in conversation. Once they determined that they had much in common, they went on a second date. And eventually, they married.

OTOH, I have a personal friend who met a man through an internet dating service, and got *that* close to marrying him, before calling it off. (Then she met another man on line, to whom she is now happily, blissfully married for several years.)

My opinion - and this is JUST my opinion - is that the longest lasting marriages result from:

1 - A thorough understanding of each other prior to marriage, and

2 - A "it's all about YOU" attitude. (To many people get married, and keep the attitude that it's all about THEM, individually, to the detriment of the unity of the marriage.)

 

Enjoy your weekend.

Rev Karl

Pastor Rob V's picture

second one. Too many people get married and act totally surprised as to the person they are marrying. To the larger discussion, it's my view that no matter how you meet you better know the other person very well. One question I ask in premarital counseling is,"Have you ever seen the other person in a very stressful situation? I follow up by asking how they handled it. It's my observation that the true us comes out in times of stress and anxiety than it does when we go out for dinner or see a movie.

Don't be a great pastor, just be a pastor and let history judge for itself.

Rob Fall's picture

"No matter how well you know the person beside you at the marriage altar, you're strangers when you walk back up the aisle."

Hoping to shed more light than heat..