Should Children be tattletales, snitches at school?

I don't know that I'm willing to define any offenses as being "lesser" if they involve any sort of disobedience, but I did make a distinction for my kids between "telling" and "tattling" -- an artificial one, to be sure, but one that worked for us.

For things that could result in actual physical harm like going out of the house without permission, turning on the stove, playing with fire, going with a stranger, etc., I always rewarded my kids for "telling" on behaviors like this. For other things like not turning out the lights on time at bedtime, not doing something we told them too that the other kid noticed, etc., we called that "tattling" and discouraged it by either giving any punishment to the tattler, punishing both, or other similar things. It depended on the motivation of the child. It wasn't always *obvious* when the motivation was to get the other child in trouble, but many times it was, and that we did not tolerate. If the motive was for their good (again, this was easy with behaviors that could result in physical harm, but sometimes noticeable for other things as well), then that was treated differently.

I'm sure we weren't able to be anywhere near 100% consistent, even though we tried, but our kids did learn why we considered those behaviors different, and what was behind them.

I have a book called "Proverbs for Parenting". In the book the following verses are listed as admonitions against tattling:
Proverbs 10:12--Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Proverbs 19:11--Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 17:9--Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 25:9,10--Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret: lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.
Tattler's certainly have problems with their reputation and their loyalty is suspect.

Perhaps the issue of "tattling" is the golden opportunity to teach regenerate children and teens to walk in the Spirit using the principles of God's Word. It is certainly an opportunity to counsel children concerning self righteousness and the deceitfulness of our own hearts. The problem is, counselling takes time.

I am with Susan here. Many overworked elementary school teachers in the Christian schools tend to make arbitrary rules about tattling. They do it to keep sane! One more, "he looked at me on purpose" and the teacher would be found in the lounge babbling incoherently. But by the time the student reaches junior high, the no tattling or no snitching attitude becomes damaging to the student, their peers, and the atmosphere of the school. Parents in the high school will complain to a teacher that cheating is rampant, but neither they, nor their student, will take steps to confront the offender or "snitch" on them. A girl will brag about immorality to other girls in the locker room, and the "good" girls will not know what to do. Boys will bully in gym if the teacher is not vigilant and other boys will look away. Sometimes the teacher who informs parents of a serious need, after speaking with the student, becomes branded as a troublemaker. The one or two bold students who confront and then report the problem are considered to be tattling, even though that was not the original connotation of the word.

My husband and I tried to teach our own children not to tattle over personal offences since "love covers a multitude of sins". As they grew older we encouraged them to confront their peers personally if there were serious issues, using Christ's admonitions in Matthew. If that didn't work, their Dad was known to go with them to the authorities of the school to expose serious problems. This necessitated teaching courage and helping the children to find good friends who would support them. Neither we nor our children always obeyed the Scripture in these matters, but thank the Lord, He leads us to grow in Him and forgives our sins. In retrospect, I wish I had taught my children to pray more about some of these situations and let the Holy Spirit help them resolve problems, "speaking the truth in love" when needed and learning to "chill" when appropriate.

If such role playing takes place, it should include how to graciously receive someone confronting you.