Grandchildren

By Barbara H. Sun, 06/07/2009 - 2:01pm
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Barbara H.
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I don't have any grandchildren yet. I don't have even have any married children yet though I will later this summer. But just as, before I got married and then had children, I looked at those ahead of me along the way to learn from them, I'm beginning to do the same thing with peers who are grandparents.

I've noticed that in at least a couple of cases, when the grandkids are over, the grandparents spent almost every moment focused on the child, playing with the child, entertaining the child...and are worn to a frazzle when the child leaves. I can understand in one way -- they are only over for a short time, and you have more time to just play that you did when your own kids were little, and you want to soak up every moment with them. But I always thought it was important for my own children to learn to entertain themselves, not to expect me to entertain them all the time. Though we did read and play together, I heard along the way it was good to learn to be your own best company, and I wanted my children not to be at a loss when on their own. That seems good for grandchildren, too. Though who knows how I'll actually feel when I have them. Smile I did lots of fun things with my own grandparents, but they didn't entertain me non-stop when I was with them. I'm looking forward to reading books with mine, and I am tucking away ideas I find that my own children are too old for now.I just wanted to get some feedback on this idea of "entertaining" grandchildren. Do you, or did your parents with your kids?

Also, I know one friend who baby-sits her grandkids while her daughter works full time plus often on weekends while her daughter and son-in-law go out.That doesn't sit well with me. I can certainly understand wanting the children to be with family rather than in a day care or with someone else, but this almost seems like Grandma is being taken advantage of. We never lived close enough to grandparents to ask them to baby-sit, and I was a full-time stay at home mom who rarely asked anyone else to baby-sit. Of course I won't mind being asked to watch the kids on occasion, but I don't think I would have the energy to baby-sit full time. I don't know what I would do if asked. Does anyone else put any kind of limits on baby-sitting grandkids, or are you always available?

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Mon, 06/08/2009 - 9:58am
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Danielle D.
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I am not a grandmother yet,

I am not a grandmother yet, but I have a mother-in-law whom I think has found that perfect balance. She loves to do things with her grandchildren, but it is not all about "entertaining" them. My oldest daughter just spent a week with her and these are some of the things they did: worked in the garden together, cooked together, went to the library, visited great-grandfather in the nursing home, went shopping. When the younger ones are there, she often takes out crayons and colored pencils...they will amuse themselves with drawing for a LONG time or she has a basket of dress-up clothes. They will play with that for hours, sometimes even making up a "show" to do for her. She has tea parties with them, teaching them all about proper manners and etiquette. And the best part...she is always teaching them God's Word and how to live godly lives! I think that grandparents can play such an important part in the lives of their grandchildren. They can come right along side of the parents and help them in the training, reinforcing what the parents are teaching at home. My girls love their Nana and have learned so much from her.

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Mon, 06/08/2009 - 10:17am
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Susan R
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Grandparents

I agree that grandparents don't need to entertain the grandkids every waking moment. I would be one of those parents who does NOT believe in 'grandparent privileges' and 'spoiling' grandchildren. I want them to be good examples, not considered a place to 'get away' from the parents, the household rules, and proper limits on behavior.

We don't ask my husband's parents to watch our kids (they do believe in grandparent privileges), and even though my mom lives with us, I never ask her to oversee the kids- as a matter of fact, I often have to tell her to leave the parenting to me and stop interfering. But IMO it depends on the grandparents. Some relationships need to have certain lines drawn, and others don't. If a grandparent feels taken advantage of, they need to say "No" at the appropriate times.

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Mon, 06/08/2009 - 10:46am
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Cindy
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I am a Grandmother, but my

I am a Grandmother, but my grand daughter lives 2,000 miles away. When I do get to see her, I spend a lot of time talking to her (she is almost 2) and reading and just watching her. I soak it in. As she has gotten a little older, she entertains herself most of the time. I want to be the kind of Grandma that does special things with her, like parks, and reading and just fun things, but not constant entertainment.

I do have family members who watch their grandchildren full time. I'm not sure I could do it, although I'd be more than willing if needed.

Each situation is different.

I'm absolutely THRILLED to be able to babysit when I get the opportunity.

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Mon, 06/08/2009 - 5:11pm
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Angela Stewart
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I was a grandkid ;-)

My grandma & papa kept me during the summer months and after school, so I spent a lot of time with them. When I was small I followed Grandma everywhere and she kept me occupied when necessary - we played games, or I "helped" her water flowers or cook or clean. As I got older, I spent more time playing with the neighbor boy or entertaining myself. I did a lot of reading in Grandma's house. Papa was an invalid who didn't offer much input, and Grandma was quite passive. Since I wasn't a trouble-inclined kid, I was pretty much allowed to do what I wanted within reasonable limits.

I little part of me wishes Grandma had taught me more of the things she did with ease and took for granted. I wish now I knew how to cook and sew. I'm learning by trial and error right now about flowers and gardening - Grandma had such a green thumb, and I'm hoping to cultivate that in myself. But I think that, had she insisted, I could have gleaned a lot more useful information from her. Smile

I'd say be aware of what the grandkids' parents are teaching and trying to reinforce, and do your best to work in tandem. If their policy is three bites or no dessert, don't sneak ice cream later, etc. And if you have a plan for imparting some skill, bring your child in on it, so they can reinforce it at home and cheer you on - "Grandma taught you how to sew a button today? How neat! She taught me that too when I was little! Can you show me what you learned?"

Just a couple random thoughts. Smile

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