Book Review - And She Lived Happily Ever After: Finding Fulfillment as a Single Woman

And She Lived Happily Ever After: Finding Fulfillment as a Single Woman by Skip McDonald IVP Books 2005 Paperback, 159 pp.

Why is a married woman reviewing a book about fulfillment as a single woman? I think I might have a vested interest in such subject matter. I was nearing my 31^st birthday on the day my husband and I exchanged vows. I spent years wading through misconceptions and stereotypes, confusion and disappointment. I wish there had been a valuable tool like this book available during those years.

Skip McDonald is now fifty-five years old, satisfied and single. She says of herself, “If one day [God] decides he wants me to marry, I’m confident he’ll make that clear. But I have to admit that I often thank him for my singleness and remind him that I would like to die a single woman” (p. 113).

That’s some out-of-the-box thinking for most single women. This book is a description of her journey to such contentment, a journal of frank observations, and a guide in which Skip bequeaths to her readers the hope she has found in God’s perfect design.

Strengths

The book is a very accessible 150 pages of easy reading. That is not to say it is not full of deeper thinking, but that it is top-shelf truth placed on an accessible bottom shelf. She provides illustration of her points by way of “interviews” with various single ladies on aspects of the single life. It feels much like a group discussion, with the additional input effectively fleshing out selected points. I would not have hesitated to place this book in the hands of any of the many students I counseled, who were afflicted with “freshman frenzy,” the rash that develops later into “senior panic.”

Skip McDonald is apparently a well-read lady. She cites at least twenty-four different resources related to the topics in her book; but above all, I was impressed with her fluency in the Scriptures and the readiness and skill with which she applied her knowledge. I appreciated that her questions at the end of each chapter were not just the type that encourage discussion (a.k.a. “venting”), but rather reflection and meditation upon the Word. Her focal point is the Word of God. There is no fulfillment aside from an intimate knowledge of and humble dependence upon the Bible. She wisely encourages her single readers to study the attributes of God in order to deepen their love and understanding of Him.

Submission to the will of God is a theme throughout the book. Skip stresses that what we may perceive as a need may not be accurate, at least for a given season in our lives. I enjoyed how she defines discerning God’s will:

When I have a thought that seems to come from God, I examine it closely. I pray and ask the Holy Spirit to confirm it. I put it alongside the Word of God to make sure it matches up. I examine it to see if it fits God’s character and sounds like something He would say … specifically something He would say to me. Sometimes I seek counsel from a trusted friend. I look for peace and persistence in my heart. If I get a green light on all of the above, I move ahead. (p. 37)

She encourages a lot of thought. A lot of prayer. She clearly feels that finding joy in singleness is something that is very deliberate. Her enthusiasm is contagious and empowering. She encourages single women to find their identity in Christ, not in their marital status. She makes some effective points regarding relationships in general, which I found helpful in examining how I approach my husband, children, and friends. Throughout the book, she exhorts single Christian women to have a heart filled with gratitude and praise for all that they have in Christ, as well as for what they perhaps have been spared by not getting what they asked for (because He knew it was not really what they wanted).

There were two chapters devoted to singleness and sexuality. This is needful information, and the author attempts to deal with it honestly. How can a person be created a sexual being, and yet lead a victorious, celibate life? She addresses pornography in its various forms (including certain types of romantic novels…which some women discount as being such), and how to overcome the addiction. She also discusses misconceptions about intimacy and how a woman can be pure in an oversexed world. This is a topic either ignored or denied in churches—that women have these struggles as well as men. I am certain many readers were relieved that this has not been swept under the rug yet again.

Many young women, from their teens on, are in pursuit of their “MRS degree.” Skip challenges single women to pursue God’s will and let Him decide if dating or marriage is a part of it: the who, the where, and the when. To the matrimonially preoccupied woman seeking God’s will, she exhorts that “[l]earning to hear from God means listening for him in every area of our lives” (p. 49). Skip observes that many women are looking for “Mr. Right” (who, she says, should be a personification of the Beatitudes, among other things) without trying to be “Miss Right.” A good point. An apt description of “Miss Right” is provided. In regard to seeking God’s will, and the employing of worship and praise, the author says, “A true worshiper is humble with no need to prove anything. A true worshiper’s sole purpose is to bring God pleasure, and make sure He is satisfied” (p. 144).

I enjoyed that she concluded the final chapter with this sentence: “God bless you as you seek to honor Him as a single adult, for such a time as this (Esther 4:14)” (p. 149). Being single, whether for a period of time or for life, is God’s appointment. “Singleness is God’s idea” (p. 22).

In the back the book is a brief but practical appendix, providing good information and pointers for churches that want to reach singles as something more than a “leftover ministry” (p. 151).

Weaknesses

There were scripture references of various different flavors, most of which would not be my preference—NASB, NIV, NLT, The Message, NRSV. In describing those who seek deeper intimacy with the Lord, she sparingly uses sentimental terminology like “fall in love with Jesus” and having “experienced the greatest romance anyone could ever hope for” (p. 128). She also uses the term “romancing the word” (p. 130), referencing John 1:1—which was never developed to a point where I understood what she meant.

There was a chapter entitled “Day to Day Responsibilities” that I felt was a bit of a yawn, but could perhaps offer comfort to single gals who are fearful of living on their own.

There are two chapters on building godly relationships. The first mentions a counseling situation in which she felt it was God’s will for her to be a mentor for a young man. I am not certain that I see wisdom in that. The second chapter on relationships was mostly about codependency and was fairly weak in light of the quality of other chapters. In this chapter, she shares “somewhat of a vision” that she had (p. 92). There is also a mention of her engaging in liturgical dancing that some may find distracting.

Overall, this was a solid, edifying read. I have met few single women who have embraced their singleness with as much confidence and resolve as Miss McDonald exudes in this small book. Instead of sitting on the bench, waiting for the marriage bus to arrive, she’s joyfully, zestfully sprinting through life in pursuit of what God has determined to be her “happy ending.”

Diane Heeney is a stay-at-home mom, who enjoys some freelance writing, blogging, and speaking for ladies’ retreats and functions. She received her BA (Church Ministries) in ‘85 grad from Bob Jones University and went on to serve at BJU as a secretary in the Extension office and later as Director of Girl’s Extension Ministries. Diane and her husband Patrick have helped a number of churches in the past 16 years, and are now assisting the ministry of a growing church in Lander, Wyoming. They have three children: Erin (breathlessly awaiting 13), Michael (all camo, all the time at 9), and Kate (their sweet surprise, now 3 yrs old).