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Book Review - 7 Reasons Why God Created Marriage

By DanielR Fri, 03/05/2010 - 1:00am

5 replies [Last post]

DanielR

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Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage

by James Ford, James Ford Jr. Jr.

Lift Every Voice 2009

Paperback, 240 pp.

In The Seven Reasons God Created Marriage, James Ford, senior pastor of Christ Bible Church in Chicago, aims to provide a blueprint for couples, especially those contemplating marriage. Pastor Ford brings a rich background of pastoral experience and marriage and family counseling to the writer’s table. He teaches that couples must understand why God created marriage before they can have the joy at home that God intended. He writes, “To be specific, marriage was created for the partners to share the following with each other: the pattern of the Trinity, partnership, perfecting, procreation, pleasure, purity, and the picture of Christ” (p. 16). It is upon these seven reasons that the book is structured.

Foundationally, Ford wants the reader to understand that following the pattern of the Trinity in the home is the key reason for marriage. He repeatedly explains how fulfilling one of these seven purposes fulfills God’s larger purpose of picturing the Trinity in marriage. For example, on the subject of procreation Ford states, “My point is, as the leader of your home, God helps us to prosper when we do it His way; but it’s up to every individual to allow Him to be your leader. If you follow the blueprint of the Trinity that is laid out for you, you and your family will be blessed of the Lord, living in peace and prosperity” (p. 132).

Ford redirects the reader to this foundational reason for marriage in similar ways in every chapter. He ends the book by presenting the other foundational reason for marriage—picturing Christ—then explains how this final reason completes God’s desire for marriage.

It may be helpful to summarize the five reasons Ford gives in addition to the pattern of the Trinity and the picture of Christ. The first of these is partnership. Ford teaches that each person is uniquely created male or female and each is meant to complement the other, so he seems to be writing from a complementarian perspective in the area of partnership.

Next, Ford explains that marriage partners are given to help perfect each other spiritually. The book details how each person will bring spiritual tests and trials into his spouse’s life and how this will either build up or tear down. Ford encourages spouses to work at perfecting their mates.

The book then explains that procreation is also in God’s blueprint—because God wishes to bring forth a reflection of Himself on Earth many times over. Ford provides notes on parenting, divorce and domestic violence in this chapter and takes a strong stand against divorce, though allowing for it in the case of sexual sin (p. 147).

Pleasure is the next reason the book discusses. God created marriage and the marriage bed for pleasure, not just procreation. The author explains that this pleasure is holy and blessed and reflects the intimacy that exists in the Godhead. He also states that God views sex as an act of worship (p. 160).

The fifth reason Ford believes God created marriage is purity. The author describes the beauty of a wholesome and sanctified marriage and emphasizes how offensive it is to God to allow impurity into a marriage.

In the final chapter, Ford goes full circle from the Trinity to the picture of Christ. The other five reasons: partnership, perfecting, procreation, pleasure and purity are all practical displays of these two spiritual realities. The book could have been titled, The Two Reasons God Created Marriage and Five Ways to Live Those Reasons Out at Home, but the original title is a bit more pithy and attention-grabbing. In his discussion of the final reason, the author further explains the picture we are to paint through marriage:

We began this discussion of the seven reasons why God created marriage with a parallel of a human relationship to the pattern of the Trinity. We end now with the picture of Christ and His relationship with His bride, the church. That means we’ve come full circle in demonstrating how a marriage partnership is a spiritual reflection of God’s Trinity and Christ’s relationship with His bride, the church.

God made us in His image. If we are to imitate Him, we must walk in the power and love that He gave us and behave like our Creator God. So when you look at a husband and wife and the relationship that they build together, that is what you should see-a reflection of God’s image. (p. 202)

The biggest problem with the book is clarity. It was hard to follow the thought process through each individual chapter. The overall concept is clear, but the chapters are choppy and do not seem to flow. The author varied his organizational method from chapter to chapter and I found myself re-reading portions in individual chapters to identify the point.

Parts of the book are overly miscellaneous, and it would be better to eliminate topics in chapters where they do not seem to be needed. Some topics seem to have wandered into the book from pastoral counseling sessions. For example, the author covers domestic abuse in some detail. This may be useful during counseling, but in a few years the statistics will no longer be accurate. This weakens a book that is built on timeless truths, risking that it will look outdated and irrelevant in years to come, which would be a shame.

On the positive side, Ford does a good job of giving the doctrinal truths practical legs to walk on. Each chapter is filled with real life experiences and illustrations the author has found to be practical. As a pastor, I benefited from these illustrations. As a husband, I was encouraged to strive to express the pattern of the Trinity in my home through service, submission, strong leadership and allowing my spouse to carry out her role in building me.

I would encourage single adults or engaged couples to read this book. Though Ford is not targeting married couples, I believe the book is a great read for them also. It will help give potential mates a blueprint for what God desires them to express in their home and help married couples get on track—or stay on track—with God’s plan.

Daniel Ruiz is a church planter, almost two years into starting Hope Community Baptist Church in Cherry Valley, California. He holds a B.A. in Bible from Pensacola Christian College. After college, he served in Las Vegas, Nevada for a few years as a children’s pastor, then returned to seminary and completed his M. Div.

Sat, 03/06/2010 - 11:53am

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RPittman

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How do we know?

DanielR wrote:

In The Seven Reasons God Created Marriage, James Ford, senior pastor of Christ Bible Church in Chicago, aims to provide a blueprint for couples, especially those contemplating marriage. Pastor Ford brings a rich background of pastoral experience and marriage and family counseling to the writer's table. He teaches that couples must understand why God created marriage before they can have the joy at home that God intended. He writes, "To be specific, marriage was created for the partners to share the following with each other: the pattern of the Trinity, partnership, perfecting, procreation, pleasure, purity, and the picture of Christ" (p. 16). It is upon these seven reasons that the book is structured.

Foundationally, Ford wants the reader to understand that following the pattern of the Trinity in the home is the key reason for marriage. He repeatedly explains how fulfilling one of these seven purposes fulfills God's larger purpose of picturing the Trinity in marriage. For example, on the subject of procreation Ford states, "My point is, as the leader of your home, God helps us to prosper when we do it His way; but it's up to every individual to allow Him to be your leader. If you follow the blueprint of the Trinity that is laid out for you, you and your family will be blessed of the Lord, living in peace and prosperity" (p. 132).

Ford redirects the reader to this foundational reason for marriage in similar ways in every chapter. He ends the book by presenting the other foundational reason for marriage--picturing Christ--then explains how this final reason completes God's desire for marriage.

We began this discussion of the seven reasons why God created marriage with a parallel of a human relationship to the pattern of the Trinity. We end now with the picture of Christ and His relationship with His bride, the church. That means we've come full circle in demonstrating how a marriage partnership is a spiritual reflection of God's Trinity and Christ's relationship with His bride, the church.

God made us in His image. If we are to imitate Him, we must walk in the power and love that He gave us and behave like our Creator God. So when you look at a husband and wife and the relationship that they build together, that is what you should see-a reflection of God's image. (p. 202)

[emphasis added]

My question is simple. How does the author know "that following the pattern of the Trinity in the home is the key reason for marriage?" Although there may be analogical relationships, which means sharing some of the same characteristics, it does not follow that one is necessarily a pattern of the other. How do we know God's purposes unless He tells us. God has told us some things but He has also not told us some things (Deuteronomy 29:29) The problems come, many times, when we try to extrapolate what God has told us into some further esoteric knowledge. The greatest danger, I think, is supposing God's purposes when He has not chosen to reveal them. Purposes are intentional, foundational reasons for one's actions and purposes are not always apparent from the action unless we are told. To subsequently use a thing in a different way does not always mean that it was the original, intended purpose.

The emphasis of the Trinity being the foundation of marriage bothers me somewhat. And I don't think that I'm reading anything into the review. The reviewer wrote: "Foundationally, Ford wants the reader to understand that following the pattern of the Trinity in the home is the key reason for marriage. He repeatedly explains how fulfilling one of these seven purposes fulfills God's larger purpose of picturing the Trinity in marriage."

Although I may be a little naive and simple, it seems to me that God told us His purpose for marriage: "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18)" Jesus appears to reinforce this purpose by stating: "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Matthew 19:4-6). Marriage is for lifetime companionship. There is no marriage in heaven because Christ said: "[I]n the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven." Marriage is used figuratively and illustratively in Scripture, but I do not know of any more esoteric purposes hidden therein, although mutual edification, procreation, enjoyment, and moral purity are certainly parts of marriage companionship. Furthermore, God does use marriage as a picture of the church's relationship to Christ but we are not told that God created marriage for this purpose. How do we know except God tells us?

The reviewer "was encouraged to strive to express the pattern of the Trinity in [his] home through service, submission, strong leadership and allowing [his] spouse to carry out her role in building [him]." Although these are worthy and worthwhile ideals, the fundamental question is whether God intentionally purposed that the Trinity would be a pattern for marriage and that marriage was instituted for that purpose. How do we know? If not, then the comparison to the Trinity, at best, is illustrative rather than purpose-driven.

Sat, 03/06/2010 - 1:20pm

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RPittman

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Hyperbole or inaccurate or simply wrong statement?

DanielR wrote:

He teaches that couples must understand why God created marriage before they can have the joy at home that God intended. He writes, “To be specific, marriage was created for the partners to share the following with each other: the pattern of the Trinity, partnership, perfecting, procreation, pleasure, purity, and the picture of Christ” (p. 16). It is upon these seven reasons that the book is structured. [emphasis added]

Christians, especially Fundamentalists, are given to speaking and writing in hyperbole. Euphemistically, we call it "evangelistically speaking." This is a sad commentary on our practice when we tacitly admit that our speaking, writing, and even preaching involves an element of exaggeration. We routinely blow things out of proportion to the truth. Is it not enough to simply declare the plain facts? No, we must go to extremes. We overstate, misrepresent, amplify, overdraw, overemphasize, embroider, enlarge, fabricate, fudge, inflate, intensify, magnify, misquote, expand, overdo, overestimate, pad, pretty up, puff, romanticize, stretch, and lay it on thick. Perhaps we use our words too lightly (see II Corinthians 1:17) or we use hyperbole when we really don't have much of significance to say. Whatever the reason, it ought not to be.

Does the author really mean that a couple cannot "have the joy at home that God intended" unless they "understand why God created marriage" according to the "seven reasons that the book is structured?" This would seem to imply that all couples should rush out and buy the book to be assured of "hav[ing] the joy at home that God intended." IMHO, we have written too many books, preached too many sermons, and published too many articles with this type of overstatement as to destroy our creditability and lead our followers astray. Too many "how to have a successful marriage" or "how to raise kids" books have painted rosy portraits, if you follow these steps, for husbands and wives as well as parents until the hard times came. We need truth and wisdom, not feel pious feel-good fluff and puff.

Having spoken my piece, I will limit my disagreement to two points: (1) Understanding God's purposes is essential for joy and happiness in marriage, and (2) the Trinity is the foundational purpose of marriage. The author, no doubt, is a godly man with experience and understanding--this I do not contest. Furthermore, aside from the two disputed points, he may have many useful and beneficial things to say in the book.

Sat, 03/06/2010 - 5:23pm

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Aaron Blumer

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Joy... and Trinity

I think it's fair to say that we don't fully experience the joy God intended whenever our understanding of something is incomplete. ...so we never fully know the joy of much of anything! (in part, what heaven is for?) But the point seems to be if we don't get it we'll miss out. Fair enough.
I don't think the author is a fundamentalist, FWIW.

I share your skepticism about the Trinity connection. On one hand, there's a logic to thinking that much of life by God's design would parallel His triune nature, but I have seen many take this idea to a level that Scripture doesn't seem to support. Unless I've missed them, there are no passages that say "Marriage should picture the Trinity." That doesn't prove there is no "pattern," but it does suggest that element cannot have the importance of elements Scripture specifically says marriage is for.... like picturing the love of Christ for His church, and the "purity" and "procreation" and a few other items he mentions.

Sun, 03/07/2010 - 1:05am

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RPittman

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Arguing against myself............

Aaron Blumer wrote:

My take is a little different. The understanding of the reasons behind something is not as important as our obedience to God. Some things we may not understand, or even be capable of understanding, because we have not been told. This may be comparable to situations between parent and child. It is difficult to explain to a one-year-old why he can't put the marble in his mouth. The important thing is that he is not allowed to put the marble in his mouth. Likewise, when we are obedient to God's instructions, we realize the blessings and joy of obedience. Even so, God has intimated the purposes of marriage such as companionship, procreation, and avoidance of sin. The problem is, I think, that we want more profound and intellectually satisfying reasons.

On the other hand, I would argue that you are right in a incongruous sort of way. Some folks may miss the simple joys of companionship by expecting a a deeper, mystic side to marriage. After all, our satisfaction is often based on the fulfillment of our expectations. If our expectations are unrealistic, we are hard to satisfy. Lower expectations are easier to please. Thus, it is important to realize that marriage is intended as a companionship without the imagined esoteric trappings.

Sun, 03/07/2010 - 6:41pm

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Aaron Blumer

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Key phrase

Quote:

not as important

I think we don't disagree. Important, but not as important.
I'm definitely in the "simple obedience" school of thought on Christian living. What we're supposed to do is not generally intended to be hard to understand; it's just hard to do. But I better stop there, because I'll get revved up and write a very poorly organized book here!
(I do have three begun and abandoned article projects on sanctification incorporating that principle... or intending to incorporate it. But the topic keeps overwhelming me. So much to sort out.)